its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
