im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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