the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
