The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
