Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
