Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
