I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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