Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
