I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
