No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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