READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Someone signed my nipple.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
