you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
