So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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