I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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