I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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