Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
