Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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