i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
