So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
