Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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