is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dignity is for republicans.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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