Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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