fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
