I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
