I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
