I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
