so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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