I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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