The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
