a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
