She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
