Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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