that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
