I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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