Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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