Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
