I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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