at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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