His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
