the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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