and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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