Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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