no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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