Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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