How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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