I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
