i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
