i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
