We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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