where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
