i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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