sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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