Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
