in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
