its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sober January is a disaster.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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