I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
