Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
