he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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